Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I need moral support for this bender
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
