...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
