i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm passing your future prison.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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