At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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