my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Im part way to drunk.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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