we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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