Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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