Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
