How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
