She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
