The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
