Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
