I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
