I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
