I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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