I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
