I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
