I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
