Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
