Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
