Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
