If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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