there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
