Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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