Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
