Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize