I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
