The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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