DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
