apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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