It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
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Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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