she smelled like a LAN party
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
