Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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