they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize