dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
