It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
