If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
