The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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