So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
