Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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