my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
