Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You pole danced in your parka.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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