You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
