he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I supernannyed him into submission
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
