There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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