we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
