I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
