Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
