im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I need a beard to bite.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
