rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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