Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
