so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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