After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize