Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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