I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
