remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
