I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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