I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
