Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
