haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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