Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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