please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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